How to fantasize?

Your Guide to Sexual La La Land

Tips and Tricks for how to fantasise and relish that exotic erotic experience!

Ross had a ‘Princess-Leia-in-a-golden-bikini’ fantasy; in the recent web series ‘Class’, a boyfriend fantasises about watching his girlfriend have sex with another guy; and the classic case of rivals-turned-lovers often has the girl/boy suddenly start fantasising about the other. In fact the most searched for fantasies (as per Cosmopolitan) range from library sex with a stranger to an older woman having sex with a younger next door neighbour.

With such a wide variety under its belt, Fantasising is much more vibrant than you can imagine. And dallied with correctly, it can lead you to relish some of your hottest sex (with yourself or with a partner)!
 
What is Fantasising?

Oxford Dictionary gives such a wholesome little definition to this gorgeous F-word – ‘Indulge in daydreaming about something desired’. Each word here is a clue to help decode the mysteries of Fantasising: ‘Indulgence’, ‘Daydreaming’ and ‘Desire’!!

From time immemorial, human beings have had an innate love for stories, which gets interlinked with our USPs of creativity and imagination. Add a sprinkle of desire to the mix and you have a lip smacking recipe for sexual fantasising. The very first thing to note here is that sexual fantasising may or may not be about an experience you want replicated in real life. At times, the mental reel is sufficient for you to escape into as you ooh and aah your way into sexual pleasure. Irrespective of this, fantasising can act as a wonderful tool, helping you explore your erotic persona and understand your desires better.
 
The F-Playbook

We present to you, your fun Guide to Fantasising, with just 4 simple steps to erotic bliss!

• No Judgement Zone

As you enter the world of fantasising, leave all your conditioning, judgements, ‘shoulds’, ‘Is this right?’, ‘Am I weird?’ at the doorstep. The F-world asks of you to be a 100% authentic you. Never before has ‘let yourself be’  held more meaning than when you venture into these alleys. Unrestricted daydreaming (minus the self critical narrative in the backdrop) is a prerequisite. This is a no-holds-barred mental playzone for your sexual desires.

• Your Personal Erotica

Now imagine, you are writing an erotica you want to read or directing an erotically charged scene you wish to see on screen. What would it be? This script is your fantasising 101. Rake up your past and think of your best sexual moments. Go old school and write out your absolute favourite lovey dovey scenes from movies or books that you often find yourself sighing about. Also, fast forward to an alternate reality, what is it you catch yourself tingling for? Sex in public? Mediaeval orgy in the midst of the moors of Ireland? Role play and BDSM? Hash out your erotic scene in absolute detail.

• Dig Deeper

As you unleash your inner author, you will start noticing certain broad paint strokes that stand out recurrently in your erotic scenery. Pin those themes down. These themes will act as your go-to-portals to unlock sexual treasures, every time you seek that pot of gold. Is it the pining for a distant lover? Is it being in power or being submissive? Is it breaking conventional sexual rules? Is it the forbidden fruit in the form of a professor or a younger colleague? Which of the Es emerges dominant for you: Emotions, Environment or Engagement?

• Tap into Your Senses

While you stroll down your mind’s streets, don’t forget the mind-body connection. Observe both ways:

• Notice how your body responds to the scenes that spark your mind
• Notice which senses usually lead you to erotic land

For example, as you dream of being in a threesome with your best friend and partner, does your skin heat up? Do your lips curve up and eyes shine? Are your cheeks flushed? Also, what from the scene do you remember the most?  Is it your partner’s perfume? Is it the way your best friend kisses you?

Or, as you are scrolling your social media, what about that dreamy celebrity sets your heart on fire? His smile and dimples? His macho grunts as he pumps his weights at his home gym?

Simply put, are you Visual, Olfactory, Touch-driven, Auditory? Which sense do you engage the most with in your fantasy endeavours?
 
Dos and Don’ts

As with every playbook, let’s wind down with a set of Dos and Don’ts before you let your fantasising horses run wild.

Dos

• Use fantasising as a means of spicing things up in the bedroom
• Tap into your fantasies to level up your solo play
• Learn what among your fantasies may be suitable to be communicated to your partner and what could be left for your personal fun
• Use fantasising as an act of self awareness
• Explore, read, watch, reflect back and leverage fantasising as an opportunity to get creative with your sexual self

Don’ts

• Do not use fantasising as an excuse to run away from relationship issues, leave communication challenges unaddressed etc.
• When in doubt, gain your partner’s consent. Each couple is different, but mutual consent is always important 
• Do not criticise yourself for your fantasies. You might end up with a repressed, insecure, confused sexual dynamic with yourself
• Do not use fantasising as a justification for indulgence in infidelity, stalking someone, sexual abuse, or for breaking rules/the law under any circumstance

 
Since I have a ‘teacher-student nerd’ fantasy, I will leave you with this cute little Fantasising 101 equation:

Fantasising = Sexual Desire* (Play + Creativity)

You have the freedom to explore the stretches of your imagination. Go paint the town red (or gold or purple, whatever rocks your boat)!

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